John misses his orthodontist appointment because he was playing solitaire on his phone.
He is unsafe at any speed.
Even stacking rocks is better than playing solitaire on your phone.
5:30- the principal was not John's friend. He beat him with a cricket bat. It had holes drilled in it.
John's dad: "Go ahead, beat the shit out of him."
He would walk around the lunchroom swinging a tennis racquet with weights attached.
If he could've taken his shirt off he would've done.
13:40- the origin of ping pong. Merlin had a 400 pound teacher who had a big ping pong paddle.
19:05: Mr. Fennell would paddle you, and everyone knew what Mr. Fennell did when he hit you with the paddle.
(John: What did he do? Did he groan? Merlin: He came prodigiously in his dolphin shorts.)
How many times can you cum while hitting someone before the school district steps in? There’s got to be some sort of form for that.
20:25- In second grade, to distinguish himself from other kids who were just in the way of his path to greatness, John began publishing his own newspaper.
He was the only reporter, and the artist. Editor. They didn’t have an ombudsman.
When the teacher got tired of mimeographing the newspaper for him, they gave him special access to the teacher’s broom closet.
Death by a thousand cuts. It’s not an object lesson.
Also is "what happens when you subcontract sadism to non-sadists.” -JR (re: the morphine that was sometimes given to the punished).
Mr. Fennel would tape a star to the paddle and hit you until the star broke. And then he would stand by the door holding the paddle as class was let out.
John thinks that’s fine because to do any of that today you’d have to drive around in a van, kidnap the kids and then kill them and stuff the bodies in a culvert. “Even if you went to Thailand they’d find you.” -JR
Merlin: “What about the dolphin shorts. I bet he got rid of them. Those guys know what to keep and what to get rid of."
Elizabeth Taylor’s old pantaloons for auction. John is not a 50 year old gay male.
Merlin has had his mugshot taken in the same room as Peewee Herman.
Merlin lives near the police.
Zooey Deschanel would at least know whose call she was refusing.
John on the Hold Steady: "They sound like a bunch of guys on coffee break at a software company fake-singing the employee manual in the style of Bruce Springsteen."
"People like Phish! People will listen to anything!"
47:55- Merlin doesn't have a lot of money but he'd take whatever money he has and pay someone to never stop kicking Mike Love in the balls for eternity.
The Decemberists are the Dylan to John's Donovan.
Mumford and Sons sounds like the Decemberists if you took most of the character of the Decemberists away. -JR, 52:40
The benchmark for being a Dylan fan has been set too high. -JR
~58m, John is a fan of:
Talking about the potential causes of WWI.
Yelling about semantics, per Merlin.
Formerly, sitting in a room talking about guitars and amplifiers.
1:00:30- The taxi driver problem: you don't want to talk about yourself anymore.You've told every story too many times.
