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  • “Don’t make any unnecessary trips” -Common State Trooper Advice
    • “In my parlance, that’s kinda letting the guy with the broom decide how many elephants can be in the parade.” MM
  • “I get off of tickets all the time, and it’s largely white privilege, but…” -JR
  • “The bad cops are always the one who don’t see themselves as bad.” -JR
  • The TSA as a choke point. 
  • John got silver status and keeps getting bumped up to first class.
  • “I wouldn’t fly United if the world had come to an end and they were the only flight, and it was a flight away from an erupting volcano.” -JR
    • “We found a seat for your daughter out of the apocalypse. There’s one seat left.” -MM, as United CSR
    • “Fuck no. I will die here in the lava flow before I get on a United flight. We all die.” -JR
  • You have to pick an airline. 
  • The best frequent flier plan:
    • “It’s like being dropped into the nicest oubliette.” -MM
  • 56:50- Vancouver hotel yoga
    • John watched a lady narrate her own yoga in a Vancouver hotel. 
    • “Is she doing permanent damage to herself? She doesn’t appear… she looks totally blissed out. And the thing was that her narration was constant and by the tone of her voice and by her narration I knew that she was not going through the eye of a needle into heaven. Because I found her annoying, and I’m sure god would too.” -JR
  • Skyscraper window washers
    • “You have to have a native ability to get up there on that scaffold and not be wearing adult diapers everyday.” -JR
  • “I can’t leave a room where a piano is being tuned.” -JR
  • The B-string on a guitar should be slightly flat. 
    • "Suck a bag of dicks, Clapton." -MM
  • 1:05:36- Chubby kids wearing super-tight clothes. 
    • “He’s wearing clothes that do not reflect the shame he’s supposed to feel.” -MM
    • “Excuse me sir. You should be dressed like a sleeping bag.” -JR
    • Western shirts: way better than camouflage. 
    • “If you’re in show business, people want to see your legs.” -JR
    • Skinny jeans.
  • John wants someone to create an award for him to win in Australia.
    • A Headphony. 
    • “I don’t want to go there with a plan. I’m not a tourist. I don’t want to go there on a walkabout. I wanna go there as a professional person to accept an award that I invented. Is that too much to ask? No, I feel like that’s some normal-ass shit.” -JR
    • “We are pioneering podcasting.” -JR
  • The Canadians:
    • "I love Canada so much more than you, and everybody knows it.” -MM
    • “Have you ever been to Edmonton? Have you ever been to Moosejaw?” -JR
    • “Oh God, here we go. Let’s play the ‘John Know Names of Places Game.’ Yes, I’ve been to all of them, John. I can tell you where to go to get a white ribbon in all of them.” -JR