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  • Lots of coffee talk, including John’s dad’s opinions on flavored coffee. 
    • Merlin examines 7/11 coffee like a crazy person. 
    • John can drink an entire pot of coffee in a day (10 cups).
    • Merlin describes his Irish breakfast from his Sunday daughter-daddy lunch. 
      • He doesn’t like their silverware, doesn’t like their coffee, doesn’t like their water. They show up with a lot of their own stuff. 
  • 15:30- John plays Santa for a burlesque (they’ve mixed burlesque with elivshness) Christmas in Seattle. 
    • Tattooed chunky girls with pointy airs. They are John’s dirty little elves.
    • As a result, he can identify with Christmas porn.
    • They help the indie-rock crowd gather the courage to come sit on his lap. 
      • And tend to want spankings. 
    • “Talk about a North Pole.” -MM
    • Portland v. Seattle stripper and burlesque scenes.
      • John’s survey of the strippers in Portland is incomplete.
      • 26:20- Alaskan strip clubs:
        • The doorman was just there to keep the Russians out.
        • Alaska got strippers from all around the world, and all of the money was in the hands of oil men without high school educations. 
        • “There’s no $20 bill that’s going to impress a lady as much as kicking some guy’s ass.” -MM
        • Coming from Alaska, going to parties required some adjusting.
        • “I am a legitimate, old-school pussy.” -MM
  • 37:00- The story of Lola
    • John is 16 at the strip club and gets a table and a chair at the front. Everyone is calling for a girl named Lola. 
    • He’s drinking Mickey’s Big Mouths, a fortified beverage. John pees in the Mickey’s bottle to avoid getting up and going to the restroom.
      • “I can’t say whether I’m the only guy with his dick out in the bar, but I’m definitely the only one peeing in a Mickey’s bottle, that I can see. And I’m trying to pull it off.” -JR
    • Lola comes out to dance, and John puts the bottle on the bar. This is the mistake. 
      • A drunk Navy sailor asks if that’s John’s beer. “Nope."
      • “He kinda looks around, and sorta sly, grabs it. And it is steaming hot. And takes a big draft off of it. And Kel goes, ‘That’s it, we’re out of here!’"
        • “Just between dudes, that’s pee.” What John did not to say to the sailor.
  • John and Merlin go to a strip club together.
    • Merlin felt like a homemade pussy. 
  • John collects beer steins. 
  • Chili
    • John makes a bunch of vegetarian chili with hamburger. Sometimes while wearing clothes. Sometimes only an apron. Sometimes just the Santa beard.
    • John buys vegetarian chili, confident that the chances of there being any hate in the can are very small.
      • “Do you buy anything more masculine to offset the appearance that you’re a giant faggot?” -MM
        • “No, because I don’t care what people in supermarkets think."
  • Merlin: If you need to pee, never grab smaller than a liter. 
  • Kashmir:
    • John suspects the Chinese of trying to move the fence anywhere the border touches.
    • Coca-Cola can solve this with Dasani water.
  • When they wrap up Merlin’s going to pee and measure it. 
    • And he wants to compare with John. 
  • 1:15:35: “I used to live in a warehouse loft that I kept meaning to put a bathroom in.” -JR
    • He lived there for 4 years. 
    • He would pee in gallon jugs and sometimes get 3 or 4 full under his bed at the same time. 
    • And he lived behind a police station.
      • He would throw his ammonia pee out the window and against the police station. 
        • He could wind up so he was really hucking it. Someone must have seen it.
  • Merlin and his daughter asked the police about their shotguns.