FANDOM


  • For men who have moved beyond the seduction community, the human pheromone has been condesed into a deer-piss like scent. 
    • "I still have a kind of attractant that does bring, it brings deer." -JR (Merlin bell)
    • Someone from the March of Dimes is driving around in that van wondering why they keep getting laid." -JR
  • Special education teacher at Merlin's school. He was on his flamboyant-dar. 
    • Later gets a jet black anvil of fake hair. All the worst components of a toupé and a combover. 
  •  14:40- the vein of juggalos, pt.2
    • South of Cincinati to south of Memphis
    • Riffraff penetrates the vein of juggalos.
  • Fake hair, continued:
    • John does not believe Ben Affleck's hair. 
  • Sometimes John arrives at the studio dressed as a space cowboy. 
  • Merlin’s 501s. 
  • ~30:00- John has been off bread, pasta and sugar for 4 days. 
  • John on unmarried life. 
  • 47:40- John’s mom is dating a man she met on OkCupid. 
    • “Ten years ago she said to me, ‘Other people will always be nothing but a disappointment to you, and you should just get used to that fact and stop trying to make other people an important part of your life.’” -JR, re: his mom
      • “Mom, that’s great and everything. If we were snow giants. But contrary to what you think, we are not snow giants. We are not a separate race of mountain giants. We are normals, within some certain tolerances.” -JR
    • On the past’s ability to stifle your future.
  • 56:20- “Do you ever, right before you go to sleep, just lay in bed and imagine like kidnapping all your enemies in a bus where you’ve blacked out the windows and taking them to a desert prison camp you’ve build and then like keeping them in isolation and feeding them hallucinogens and showing them like weird movies, trying to drive them insane?” -JR, to a friend who got very quiet and then said, “No." 
    • “Leaving the lights on all the time.” -MM
    • Priming your dreams. 
    • Victim list: Rush Limbaugh, Dick Cheney
    • “I’ve created a whole apartment underground where Dick Cheney’s gonna live while I very subtly become his friend. I’ll be in a lab coat, so he’ll know I have some authority, and he also will know that he can’t get out... It’ll be a comfortable apartment, it’s not going to be uncomfortable for him there. And there will be a video monitor where he can talk to recordings of [unclear]. But little by little, I’m going to up the dose of LSD in his drinking water, and I’m gonna…” -JR
      • “Will you introduce increasingly incongruous events?” MM
    • "It’s a total gas-lighting situation, where the picture of his family that has always been on the end-table is just gonna be subtly modified. Something that used to be in the background won’t be there anymore.” -JR
      • “When he finally passes out, you switch out for slightly smaller clothes.” -MM
    • “The bathroom is going to be six inches smaller in all dimensions. It’s gonna happen over the course of years, he’s just gonna be living in this underground bunker. And his apartment will be just one of many apartments. Glen Beck will be living nearby. They will have no awareness of one another, except periodically I may introduce one of them into one of the others’ apartments. Like he’ll wake up in the morning, and they will now be sharing an apartment. But at this point they will have been… Their minds will have been broken down. It’ll be like the movie Se7en kind of.” -JR
    • Needs to be scaleable. 
    • “Anyway, this is how I put myself to sleep at night.” -JR
    • Several more minutes of methods follow. 
    • “Scalia will actually be giving lectures to a nonexistent class of law school students. He’s gonna have appointments. Scalia’s gonna have appointments.” -JR
  • 1:13:00- Story of John’s friend who spent a few minutes on a boat being lightly electrocuted. 
  • A desk clerk will always pick up their phone calls, but none of their requests will ever be answered. 
  • For all those people who think that the death penalty is a good disincentive, what is going to discourage that war-mongering behavior better than "watching Donald Rumsfeld try and figure out what’s different about his apartment this morning. Did the couch move?” -JR