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  • John is still running around in a carbless-daze. All he wants is spaghetti with cookies on it.
    • He's lived his life hopping from shortcake to shortcake, like a frogger.
  • Apparently, severely autistic people make the best sports mascots. John had a stint as the Red Robin and started visiting children in hospitals--"I don't even think we called ahead."
  • John once visited Merlin and forgot to bring pants to a fancy dinner. He looked like a "beefy Angus Young."
    • Merlin’s constant reaction to vulgarity/opulence: “My, that must have been expensive!"
  • Frozen bacon is the popsicle of the gods
  • Pearl Jam is the Bruce Springsteen of the Northwest
    • New Jersey: Your rental minivan suddenly turns into a 57 T-Bird and Chris Christie is up there with binoculars and a crossbow and everybody up there like “You don’t love Bruce enough!
    • "You know how it is when you’re driving up a country lane and you feel like people are in the trees, scorning you.”—JR (50:00)
  • Billy Joel’s entire ouvre is the first 45 minutes of The Deerhunter.
    • Billy Joel is John Lennon singing like Tony Bennet